I have a feeling I won’t be alone when I tell you there
are many days I find myself consumed with desire to have things I just can’t
have.
Today was one of those days.
Driving through the breath taking scenery in western
Minnesota is something familiar to me but it still captures my dreaming heart
every time I venture through that part of our beautiful state. That was true, once again, today. I put my blinker on and turned right off of the highway and like
stepping into a new world I began driving slowly down the paved road that is
encased with rolling hills as far the eye can see. Sparkling streams of water
are flowing beneath charming, old bridges and full, lush, green trees seem
placed in such a stunning way that it is as if God wanted our eyes to fall on
them in wonder after every new mile marker we pass on the county road. There
are many farms. Some small, some big. Some with large farming operations but
most read as hobby farms with a few chickens, small gardens and beautiful views
of the scenery from their well-loved porch. I was soaking in the beauty when I
caught myself day dreaming of owning one of these precious plots of land and
having room for my own little ones to freely run around. It’s always been our
dream to live in the country but after the market took a dive a few years ago,
it made that dream seem far from our reach.
When I got to my destination I turned into the driveway of
yet another stunning little hobby farm in this beautiful countryside. I was
only picking up an item I purchased from an online garage sale but I lingered
for some time chatting with the sweet woman that owned this lovely home. I wish
I could show you a picture of this place. It was a country-meets-modern dream
house. As I stood there making small talk with her, I suddenly felt as if I was
standing there naked. I felt exposed. Vulnerable. Plagued with insecurity. I
said some awkward things and laughed nervously. In part because I felt like a
slob. (Moms, I think you’ll appreciate this next part of my story). Before
running out the door this morning, I had thrown on some old clothes that were
too small for me, I threw my hair up in a messy ponytail and started with one dollop
of makeup under my eyes before deciding to skip my usual beauty regimen all together and get my
kids in the car before they started taking off their shoes and running around, again.
I didn’t feel pretty or put together or even semi-confident at all. That
feeling combined with a longing for “more” left me with my insides hanging out.
Certainly not because of anything this sweet woman said, she was darling, but
simply because of the battle ragging inside me. I drove away with tears in my
eyes and it wasn’t until 5 miles down the mountainous road that I finally
exhaled and whispered…”Lord, why can’t I have a place like that? Why do you
withhold some things we long for but you lavish us with others? Help me understand
because I am angry and frustrated and weary of fighting off this longing for
something I can’t have.” A few miles later I drove in my driveway and felt the sting
of discontentment with my small, outdated, inexpensive home.
And there it is.
The dreadful American delusion that gets us all wrapped up
in greed and coveting and all sorts of ugliness. We want things that God hasn’t
assigned us. We know we aren’t supposed to covet or lust or long for that which
God hasn’t given us but sometimes it’s a hard battle to fight and it creeps in slowly,
stealing joy from our life. It can take many different forms such as material
things, talents, gifting’s, relationships and so on. I imagine you could fill
in this blank without any hesitation…”I wish I had______.”
As I wrestle this in my own life right now I think of what I
lose in the process of letting this type of desire fester in me. The greatest
tragedy is that I trade the wonder of intimacy with an infinite God for the
empty longing of something finite. While I sit fantasizing about sipping
my coffee and doing my morning devotions on a serene front porch
overlooking the countryside, I am trading peace and contentment in where I am
now. We must ask ourselves, what have I gained by dreaming of the
future if I lose my peace in the present?
I’m not suggesting we hide our desires, I am however suggesting
that we come to God with open hands offering them to Him, choosing to trust the
God who fiercely loves us to gently hold those desires. We are precious to Him
and He cares what’s on our hearts. In the process, He may change our heart to
desire other things but He may not. What we may receive in return is a sense of
deep contentment where we are, just as Paul describes in Philippians chapter 4.
And wouldn’t that be worth giving up all of those empty longings? I think so.
If only it were that easy, right? J
I’ve recently started practicing a few things that help me
re-center my heart. I’m going to share them with you in hopes that you may be
encouraged as you consider your own habits.
Prayer. This may seem obvious but don’t underestimate
the power of earnestly coming to the living, Holy God in prayer. If we’re being honest, I wonder how many of
us could really say we spend more time in prayer over the things we want than
dwelling on how we can get what we want.
Focus on what you DO know/have. How many times an hour
do you stop and say out loud what you are thankful for? Like Ann Voskamp style.
Bless that woman and her ministry! Recently I was feeling anxious over a host
of unknowns we were facing in our family. I knew I needed to halt my poisonous
focus on what I didn’t know so I started to focus on what I do know. My goodness, that one practice
has made a huge difference for me. If you find yourself reeling over things
that you desire, try making a list of things you are already surrounded with
and aim to battle thought for thought.
Talk to your soul. I first heard this concept from the
lovely Dee Brestin. It sounds similar to replacing uncertainty with what you
know but this differs in that you’ll use Scripture to combat that. When your
soul begins to swirl with dark, peace-threatening ideas, turn to Scripture that
fills you with truth. For example, if we’re tempted to think God must not be
pleased with us or He would be blessing us with “more”, we can turn to verses
such as Titus 3:5 which reminds us that Gods love for us has nothing to do with
our works or John 1:6 that remind us of God’s grace which is not dependent on
what we do or who we are.
I sit here writing from a new, pretty desk at a car dealership
while I patiently wait for the mechanic to finish working on my mini-van. You
know what I see all around me? New, sparkly cars. I hear the car salesman talking
them up to potential buyers and using strategy to pull on strings of desire. “This
is a great truck! And we can give you a great finance rate on this one!” “What
are you waiting for? You could driving this thing to work tomorrow and show it
off to your buddies!” Bless those salesmen. They know how to pull on that which
is deeply seeded in us; desire. The devil does too. He wants nothing more than
to take your eyes off your Creator who will satisfy you with living water. Just
as He spoke to the women at the well, He alone can satisfy us in a way that would leave us thirsty no more.
We simply just need to go to the well. He is waiting for us.
Chels
*I want to be clear that I am not talking about desires that are honoring to Him. I am only speaking to those that consume us and distract from what is most important.
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