It's been a while since I've taken a test. Thank God. Literally. I'm not good with academic smarts. In fact, mention the word test and you will likely see sweat beads forming on my forehead while I clear my schedule for the next month so I can study. Unless we are talking about a taste test that involves fresh salsa or chocolate. Then I'm all like, sign me up!
I've never been the girl who just got it. I remember sitting in class when I was in high school listening to the teacher's lecture, nodding my head and taking like 10 pages of notes, thinking I fully understood everything that was being taught. Then I would get home and find that my notes looked like Chinese and I couldn't recall a darn thing the teacher said for the life of me! Not anything that made sense anyway. My older sister on the other hand could skip class all week, show up on test day and get an A+++++ (that's a little dramatic but you get the point). She is stinkin' smart. I don't think I've ever seen her study for anything. She just gets it. She is wired in a way that allows her to comprehend things well while always being able to communicate those things back to other people in a way that makes complete sense. I on the other hand would spend countless hours studying for a simple science test and walk out of the classroom completely forgetting everything I just tested on. I'm good at memorizing but not good at retaining and certainly not good at trying to repeat it back to someone. Sure I got A's just like my sister but our A's always felt different to me. We achieved the same thing, the same grade, but it didn't feel like it.
This is the first time I've ever admitted this to anyone but my husband. Here it is...I feel stupid, a lot. I seem to be surrounded by 'smart' people because my husband is also one of those people that just gets it. He never had to study for tests or stay late with a teacher or join study groups. In fact, he is now taking high level college math classes and is doing great despite the fact that he doesn't have time to study. God has gifted him with the ability to learn quickly, comprehend well and retain it. Whether it's random facts from the history channel, a news story about global warming, or a math problem that sounds like gibberish to me, he can hear it once and store it away in his brilliant mind. Sometimes quoting it word for word years later. Although I am proud of people like my husband, it sometimes makes me feel small. He doesn't make me feel small but the devil sure does.
My mom recently told me that I had a really hard time learning to tie my shoe laces. She spent a lot of patient hours showing me how to tie them by guiding my hands or even putting on her own shoes to demonstrate for me. I tried and tried with many tears and frustration but I just couldn't seem to get the concept of it. I am 1 of 8 kids so I just have to say, bless my moms heart for taking the time to sit on the floor with one of her 7 little girls spinning shoe laces around and around tenderly training on something that seems so trivial. What a gift she is. I can't recall very many memories from my childhood in the form of vivid images but I remember how I felt in moments like this. It was embarrassing and I felt small and stupid. How could it be that I could sit in the back of our 15 passenger van and tell my cousin, who I only saw twice a year, about how much Jesus loved her and lead her in a salvation prayer but I couldn't tie my own shoe laces? How foolish. How humiliating. How confusing for a little girl.
The more I learn to step into the identity that God has given me, the more I begin to see the purpose in the way that he has intentionally woven who I am into His greater story. When He designs us, He makes no design flaws. There is no human error when God is putting pen to paper. He needs no draft or practice run because when He creates us, we are perfect-the first time.
Satan loves to tell me that I am stupid because I didn't get a college degree. He loves to spit words of self hatred in my ear because I am not wired like the 'smart' people I know. In fact, he has even gone so low as to use those people to rub it in my face with harsh words criticizing my intelligence.
I won't deny that academics don't come easy for me. And although I support college education, I am no longer bound by the lie that I am unworthy of being used by God in the places He's called me to because I don't hold a degree saying I am 'smart' and 'educated'. I am finally, at 27 years old, experiencing some clarity and freedom in why I am designed the way I am.
Here are just a few things God is revealing to me about who I am...
*I don't retain book knowledge very well but if you tell me about a trial or painful situation you are facing, I will remember it for years and pray for you earnestly.
*I don't test well but I love studying the Word of God and asking Him to give me opportunities to put it to test in my life.
*I wouldn't get excited to teach a class about American history but if you ask me to teach you about what God is teaching me, I will spend hours answering your questions.
*I'm not jazzed by standing on a stage and debating politics but I recently stood on a stage and gave my testimony in front of a crowd of women, and loved every minute.
I am a big picture person. I see beyond the current circumstances, what's right in front of our faces, to how it might work out for the good. As I recently shared with my Bible study group, God showed me just last week that I see the promised land for peoples lives. My visionary, dreamer heart looks past the hurt, the trials, the sin and sees the grace of God that is calling them and leading them to their promised land. I don't get stuck by the overwhelming challenge of the walls of Jericho because I believe in the prosperous place God has prepared for peoples lives. The place marked with freedom and hope.
One of the girls in my regular study group in high school received Jesus as her Savior shortly after I met her. Maybe I was wired to need massive amounts of studying so that I could play a role of sharing the gospel with her. Or maybe I struggled to figure out how to tie my shoe laces because my heart was preoccupied with God's greater purpose for me. If all I could do was focus on how to lace up shoes I may have missed the opportunity to lace grace into someone's life the way God has laced grace into mine. Sometimes we persevere through the things that don't come natural because we have to but what I'm finally grasping is that we don't need to fight to get better at those things. We need to fight to grow in the areas that God has gifted us the most so that we can walk freely in who we are and be used for His Kingdom purpose the way He wants us to. Not bearing the weight of what we aren't but claiming the freedom of the quirky, unique, sometimes out-of-the-box person we are.
God is for us. The Bible doesn't hide the fact that God desperately loves us with a wild grace that is not bound by chains of who we think we should be. His plans for us are not mapped out based on our insecurities and fears. He deeply, profoundly loves every fiber of us and fully intends on using every piece of who we are, including our past and our future, to bring His love and story of grace to the world.
It makes me think of the 'nose to tail' mentality. I hear of it often in restaurants that want to be good stewards of the meat they buy by being sure not to waste any part of the animal. Although we are not animals, I believe God does not want to waste a single inch of who we are. We are fully beautiful. Not just certain parts of us, but every fiber.
Do you ever wish away certain things about who you are? Do you ever stand in a crowd and compare yourself with other people wondering why you can't be more like them? Do you long to feel confident in your own skin? Do you admire someone to the point that you try to mirror who they are even though it takes away from showing who you really are?
We have all done it. Most of all me. If only we could see ourselves the way God does. Can you imagine what He was thinking when He created you? How the Heavens rejoiced the day you were born! From your hair color to your feet shape and your sense of humor to your sensitive heart, God was overwhelmed with excitement when forming you. You are not meant to look like anyone else. That would mean we serve a boring God and the God I serve is anything but boring.
I pray that you will walk in freedom of how Christ designed you because you my dear, are a masterpiece. And if we can grasp this, our generation will be world changers.
Chels
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13,14
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Last week I wrote about the "why" of our journey to a healthier lifestyle (read about that here). I've gotten a lot of questions about what we're doing differently so today I am going to share the "how" which will include the practical ways we're implementing this into our life in the way of food, nutrition and wellness, as well as some of the challenges we are facing.
There are so many different ways to view a healthy lifestyle. I am not suggesting we are doing it the right way, just the way that's working for us right now. I'm convinced that our journey of health will be ever-changing. Not only will we learn more along the way but the needs of our bodies will likely change throughout the years. Another thing that I'm sure will fluctuate is our income. There may be seasons where I can do more and seasons where I'll have to do less depending on cash flow.
Let's get down to business.
1. Processed food=gone. We cleaned out our pantry, refrigerator and deep freezer. Some things went to the local food shelf, some to family and others just got tossed in the garbage. Examples of what we threw: frozen convenience meals (pizza, French fries, etc), preservative packed foods (ex: salad dressings, canned foods such as refried beans, fruit and tomato soup), conventional bread, most cold cereals, baking supplies such as enriched flour and refined sugars and just about anything else that is purchased in the 'middle isles' of the grocery store.
2. Breads, grains and pasta. We now eat brown rice pasta or other variations that don't include wheat or other refined flours. As far as bread goes we have been eating Food for Life Ezekiel 4:9 bread which is a flourless, sprouted wheat bread that is prepared in a much healthier way. We recently decided to cut all wheat/gluten out of our diet to see if it helps my daughter gain weight and get rid of my toddlers cradle cap but when we decide to re-introduce bread this is what we plan to go back to.
3. Meat. We recently got connected with a local farmer that raises grass-fed beef, pork and free range chickens. This meat is awesome! By far the best we've ever bought. Just last week Jake made a pork rope for dinner while I was out with a friend and let's just say there was no hope for me getting any when I got home. My whole family loves everything we have bought from this amazing little farm. Not only that but the family that owns it is incredibly sweet and fun to visit with. My girls love going there. When we went shopping there last week one of the owners took my girls to go meet the baby chicks and pigs. Seriously, amazing. In the short time we've been going there they have become more like friends than just a business transaction. I also love that my kids get to see where their food comes from. They used to refer to our food as coming from the grocery store, now they talk about it coming from a farm. If you've heard me reference "grocery shopping at the farms" this is one of those places I am referring to. We plan to buy in bulk at some point but for now we've just made trips and filled our cooler bag full with goodies for the month. It's more expensive than conventional meat from chain grocery stores that are packed with antibiotics, hormones and horrible feed BUT it's cheaper to buy this grade of healthy meat directly from the farm then to go to a Whole Foods or co-op and pay prices that include the 'middle man fees'. I still buy chicken breasts from the store but I always reach for the organic, free range options. Otherwise we plan on buying our meat directly from the farm.
3. Dairy. We now buy organic dairy if at all possible. Just as I don't want to eat meat with the added hormones and antibiotics, I don't want to eat my dairy with it. We also drink raw milk directly from the farm vs pasteurized from the store. I called around and found a farm that raises their cows hormone and antibiotic free. We LOVE the milk. The times that we've run out and picked up a jug from the store my girls have looked at me and said, "yucky milk mama." They love their farm milk. We use it for drinking, cooking, baking and I also love it for my coffee. I can't have my coffee without it! I skim the cream off the top of the jar and add it to my mug with a dollop of raw honey. Yum. I'm also looking forward to using the cream on top to make fresh whipped cream for desserts. There's a lot of buzz about whether raw milk is safe to consume. We feel completely comfortable with it. The farm we go to is very clean and we're very happy with their operation. I've done a lot of reading and here's why we've chosen to drink it. 1) I've come to believe that most, if not all, foods will be better for us in their natural form. Once we disrupt our food with things such as high heat levels we risk stripping it of its natural properties/nutrients leaving something less nutritious at best or 'mutated' at worst which can leave our bodies confused on how to process and absorb the right vitamins, minerals, etc. I see this being true of milk. Along with that, I like that we are getting the good full fat milk naturally has in it. It's visible by seeing the cream/fat separate and float to the top of the jar. 2) We have lactose sensitivity in our home but raw milk is not a problem for us. 3) We like supporting local farms/business' and knowing exactly where our food comes, when possible. There is a lot of information out there about the benefits vs the risks. If you're interested in learning more I encourage you to do some reading but be careful about your source. As with all things, there are strong opposing opinions and not everyone is going to have an educated, credible source for their argument for or against it. We also buy farm fresh eggs that are free range and organic from this farm. It is pretty crazy to see the difference in color of the yoke when compared to store bought eggs. The farm eggs are a deep yellow/orange while the store bought ones we sometimes get are more of a light yellow. This is the other farm I refer to when talking about "grocery shopping at the farms".
4) Supplements and nutrition response testing (NRT). We don't take 'vitamins' per se. Our goal is to get as much nutrients from food as we can however, there is definitely a need for some supplements. I have been seeing a wonderful health and nutrition coach who has been immensely helpful in our whole foods journey. I am currently doing muscle testing to help identity what foods and supplements my body needs to have as well as avoid. It's been so helpful. We've been focusing on whole food supplements, not synthetic ones that can be bought from the store. In addition to the individual supplements a couple of us take (based on our NRT) my whole family currently takes cod liver oil. My girls get excited to have it every day! In fact, they almost always ask for more! Jake and I have the pill form but I feed my girls their liquid form right from a spoon. I like that it not only has high levels of vitamin A and D but it also supports our immune systems. There are a lot of good reason to take cod liver oil. Again, something you can read about it you'd like to. We also have a quality probiotic on hand to help support good gut health for my kids. They don't always get it every day but for sure when they aren't feeling good or if they are on antibiotics.
5) Fruits and veggies. This one seems obvious but we really do eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables! With every meal I try to have some of each. My girls are pretty good about eating them most of the time. As my health coach reminds me, if I start them young they won't know any different. That's what I try to remind myself. I mean really, I never would have thought my kids would love cod liver oil and avocados and bell peppers!
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6) Essential oils. I haven't taken a formal class on oils but I have been learning on my own and as well as from friends. I really do love our oils! We use them every day through the day. My favorites right now are probably lavender, tea tree and eucalyptus. We use many more than that though for anything from a relaxing bath to helping with a cough. Those tiny little bottles hold some awesome little magic!
7) Sugar. This is the hardest part for me. I love using natural sugars so I wasn't too upset about throwing out the white and brown sugar but I love sweets. The problem is that too many 'good' sweets like fruit can still be 'bad' for us. I tend to eat more fruit than veggies. When I make baked goodies, they don't last long. So I limit the amount of 'treats' we have around. We don't do processed sugar anymore, if at all possible. My girls get a sucker or piece or candy here and there but mostly we just avoid it all.
8) Miscellaneous stuff. I started making bone broth in our crock pot. Super easy and so good for us! We'll drink it straight out of the cup or just use it to cook with. Fermented foods have a lot of great health benefits so I am planning on trying some things soon. I just bought a head of cabbage to try sauerkraut. I'm excited as we have been eating a lot of sauerkraut lately!
9) Challenges we are facing. It's a different way of living which means challenges along the way. Although I am noticing a trend towards healthier, whole food eating, we are still kind of unicorns among a lot of our friends and family. I think the biggest challenges are going out to eat, social gatherings and planning my time. We have to be careful about what places we go out to eat because we need to know there are menu choices that support our eating without blowing our diet and feeling sick afterward. My mantra is always people before food. So, if we go somewhere and are served food made with love, we will eat it with happy, grateful hearts. We love people and we love that people serve us food that they pour their hearts into. They will always be more important than our goal of avoiding refined sugar or breaded food. If we can pick and choose to avoid things our bodies aren't used to, we will. If not, we'll deal with the consequences. I've also learned the hard way that I need to pack snacks for my family. I don't expect people to keep a stock of foods we eat everywhere we go. That's not the responsibility of my friends and family. I also recognize that when my three little kids get hungry, I need to feed them and drive-thru's are not known for their healthy choices so I need to be prepared, if possible. However, a the end of the day I know they will not die if they have chicken nuggets. It will be okay. And if I am doing my best to feed them well most of the time, their little bodies should be able to handle some less healthy food from time to time. I don't lose sleep over it. Really, I don't. As far as time goes, we have a very busy schedule just like many of you and honestly, sometimes I just plain don't feel like cooking. That means I have to plan better which I am not very good at. I'm learning the value in keeping convenience foods on hand like hot dogs (from the farm) and using my crock pot more. Some go-to quick and easy meals for us are breakfast (omelets and paleo pancakes), tacos and spaghetti.
I feel like I could write so much more but hopefully this answers some of your questions and gives you a glimpse into the changes we've made this last year. I would love to answer any questions you have so please leave a comment below and I'll do my best to get back to you quickly. Also, if you have any encouragement for me, ideas or recipes to try I would love to hear that too!
As I said above, these are the things that work for us right now. I am not recommending or preaching to you about what is best for your family. It's all a journey as we grow and learn along the way. Thank you for letting me share this journey with you!
Cheers to health and holiness!
Chels
Crunchy, granola, earth mama....I've been called it all this past year, along with numerous other variations. To some people I became hard core the first time I went grocery shopping at Trader Joes. Other people would still consider me a 'newbie' and unworthy of the oh-so-sought-after badge of natural mama. I'm not sure that I can put an official label on myself but what I do know is that our food life looks a whole lot different now than it did a year ago.
I would love to share with you a little piece of the journey God has our family on in the world of food, health and nutrition. Before you read on I want you to really hear me when I say that this is not meant to make you feel bad or shame you about how you feed your family or rather the way in which you love them through food. I am not better than you nor I do I think that I am the all-knowing food guru. I simply just want to share what God is teaching me right now in this season of my life.
It all started 10 months ago while sitting around the dinner table with my family. I vivdly remember watching my husband and each of my children put bite after bite of food into their mouths. That particular night I served them sloppy joes using Manwhich mix from a can, frozen french fries, frozen veggies that had been microwaved and a scoop of canned fruit soaked in syrup. I was feeling pretty good about it actually. My husband even commented on how he appreciated that I strive to feed them a balanced meal. That was a pretty balanced meal, right? I mean after all I did hit just about every food group.
It hit me like a ton of bricks that my idea of a 'balanced meal' was never going to be the same.
Sitting in my little black chair at the end of our dinner table I could hardly stand watching my precious family fuel fill their bodies with the preservative packed, sugar loaded, 'fake' foods I had prepared for them. I felt sick to my stomach. I was tempted to grab their plates and dump every piece of food into the garbage can before running to our local grocery store to grab a bad of carrots and broccoli to make them gnaw on. Thankfully I restrained and they were able to peacefully eat their dinner and resume normal life that evening.
Little did they know that their bodies were about to undergo a huge change. They would soon be adjusting to a diet that consists of what I affectionately call real food.
That night I sat crying with my husband while I poured out my heart about this new conviction. It wasn't just the food that overwhelmed me. It was the fact that I had never owned (or even seen) my responsibility as his wife and their mother to fill their bodies with food that nourishes them and provides what they need to grow and develop both physically and spiritually. I felt like a complete failure. How had I not seen it this way before? Why was I so busy just getting food on the table that I didn't take the time or care to consider what I was putting in their temples.
God graciously removed the scales from my eyes so that I could see things in a different light, for the first time. He challenged me to consider my role as their nourisher and I didn't back down from the challenge.
I began surfing the internet for information about food and how our bodies process things. I read the Bible searching out Scriptures that would help me understand God's design for our bodies and how He wants us to view food, health and nutrition as a whole. I read books like Wheat Belly by William Davis and The Makers Diet by Jordan Rubin. I was on a mission to gain as much knowledge as I could so that I could readjust our lifestyle in a way that honored God. I didn't want to jump into a new diet fad or make changes that temporarily took my guilt away. God placed a hunger in my heart to know Him deeper through this journey rather than just get on a temporary 'health kick' until I got bored and lazy. I've done that before. I've been down the road of feeling inspired and making huge changes in our diet only to fall right back into my old habits. The key for me this time was that it went deeper. I had a reason why that involved my heart not just my mind.
There are a few things God has been showing me through this journey.
1. Food is a deeply rooted heart idol in me as well as our country as a whole. We look to food to fix our problems. We use it for comfort when we're sad or stressed. We use it to pacify our emotions when we're overwhelmed. We use it as a way of coping with suffering. We use it as instant gratification when a 'craving' hits and we want something that tastes good right now, instead of something that is good for us. Timothy Keller describes a heart idol as this, "It is anything more important to you than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give." Simply said, we turn to food instead of God.
2. If I feel better then I can serve better. I see this pattern in my own life that if I am feeling good, I am more readily able to serve other people. If I am struggling with my energy levels then I am unable to give anything more than what my family needs or if I do commit to things outside our home then I am not as effective because I am tired and weary physically which means I am weary emotionally as well. For example, if my friend needs a babysitter so she can get some much needed time alone but I have just scarfed down greasy potato chips, a soda and a bowl of mac 'n cheese, I am not likely going to have the energy to add another toddler to my busy household. I am probably counting down the minutes until I can get a break at naptime.
3. My family needs good nourishment to function best. I can literally see the difference in my kids behavior and physical well being when they are not eating good. We went to a beautiful baby shower this past weekend for my little sister. The food that was served was served with such love but it is not food my kids are used to eating. There was a lot of processed sugar. I did limit what they had but even still it was not something their bodies were used to and it was obvious. By the time we left the party they were in full meltdown mode. Not only was their behavior terrible but they had bags under their eyes and I could see the restlessness in their bodies. They had a sugar high energy but at the same time they were crashing and desperately needed physical rest. It was a nightmare. I am responsible for what is put in their bodies. It can be helpful or harmful. I choose. I can be lazy and throw in a cardboard (this is the term we use for non-nutritional food) frozen pizza or I can take a few extra minutes and make something that will leave their precious bodies fueled and built up.
4. Self-discipline honors God and reaps rewards. It is no secret that God desires us to live a life soaked in self-discipline. For me that means taking extra time to make healthy meals, not grabbing for unhealthy convenience snack and limiting my portions so that I am honoring him with my food choices. Another area I am working on this is by getting up at 5:15 every morning to spend quiet, uninterrupted time with God before my day begins. God is pressing in on me to not only work on self-discipline with the physical food we consume but also the spiritual food I consume. I need to also fuel my spirit with the spirit of God. I can only do this by spending intimate time with him. Right now, that is the early morning hours.
5. Food is not my god. I read a great blog post recently written by a woman who was burdened by the fact that we can take healthy eating and just as easily turn that into a god. I so agree with her. My hearts desire is that I will keep my perspective and priorities healthy and where they need to be. I want to honor God with healthy eating but not to the point that I think earthly food and wellness power is greater than God's power. He is above all.
6. Our bodies are temples. If I believe what the Bible says (and I do), and the Bible tells us that our bodies are temples, then this is true. If our bodies are temples then I have to ask myself how God wants me to prepare my temple for worship. Worship isn't just singing at church, it's the way we live our lives for Jesus. Daily I ask myself if I am preparing my worship, God-dwelling temple in a way that honors Him and prepares me to serve Him to the fullest. My heart is the first place I need to prepare but my physical body is also a part of my temple.
I gave my children unhealthy snacks to pacify their bad moods when I should have been asking God to give me His strength to love them more patiently. I fed my husband his favorite foods all the time because I wanted him to be pleased with me instead of seeking to please God alone and looking to him for affirmation. I ate loads of chocolate and ice cream when I was spent at the end of a long day when I should have opened my Bible to know God deeper and be satisfied with Him. All the while I was sowing these seeds in my family. Not to view food as a gift from God to nourish our bodies in order to serve Him but rather as a means to enjoy pleasure at the cost of our health and sometimes intimacy with Jesus.
I learn something new almost every day about food, nutrition and wellness. I love what God is teaching me right now. I also love knowing that my journey with this whole thing has only just begun. He will continue to teach me and refine my view on what we put in our bodies. That's what it's all about...learning as we go. When people ask me where to start making changes in their diet I always remind them to focus on it being a journey and make small changes along the way. It's the same in our walk with Jesus. I sometimes get frustrated because I wish I was more spiritually mature but the reality is that I will never 'arrive' until the day I get to stand before God at His throne in Heaven. Life here on earth is a journey. Just as learning to care for our bodies better is a journey.
One last thing to you young moms... I know you're tired and thinking about meal planning and spending hours in the kitchen can seem overwhelming. I get it. I'm there with you. Just know that God's grace is boundless and He will meet you on your most tired days. If all you can muster up is kisses and mac 'n cheese for the day then you have raced well. God loves you where you are at. Don't ever think serving your kids potato chips means you are less than. If you want to make changes then I encourage you to pray, asking God to show you what ways HE wants you to change what you're feeding your family. If He asks it of you then He will sustain it for you. He will give you what you need to carry out those changes.
With love,
Chels
Note: I split this post into two parts. In part 2 I will include the more practical application piece of what we're doing. So if you're interested in the changes we've made then watch for part 2 which I'll share in a few days. There was just too much to write about and I didn't want to shorten either piece.
I jolted awake at exactly 6:00am. After only a few scattered hours of sleep I was filled with enough energy that I could have ran a marathon, and I don't run. Jake and I had offered up a weary prayer just hours before asking the Lord to make it clear if we needed to take further action with our sick 10 month old baby.
Waking me and stirring my heart was my answer to prayer-He made it very clear that I needed to bring her to the emergency room, now. I walked into her bedroom and when I looked into the pain-filled eyes of my moaning, exhausted baby my heart broke for her and I could feel the depth of her discomfort and pain. It made me sick to my stomach. I wished in that moment I could take it all away. I wanted so badly to just breathe health into her small, frail body.
In that moment I was angry with God for not answering my pleas of restored health. Why would a compassionate, loving God allow this innocent baby to be in pain? I have complete faith that He can heal in a blink of an eye, that's what I've prayed for and believed in, so why hadn't He done that? I'm suppose to pray expectedly, right? I prayed scriptures like Mark 11:24 and Matthew 21:22 claiming and believing that Annabelle would be healed and still she lay there miserable. Sure, it didn't seem life threatening and there are more serious health scares than this but surely God is faithful to the broken prayers of a weary mom, right?
The doubt began to spin me in circles.
I was quickly gathering our things and preparing to drive her to the hospital while spinning with these thoughts, these desperate prayers. When suddenly I stopped. Physically as well as my swirling emotions stood still without a motion to be felt. I did all I could think and muster up to do, I whispered the name, Jesus. In the dark of the night where everything feels more urgent and scary, I whispered the name of my savior and my soul was still. I was no longer swirling with worries and doubt. I no longer cared about the why's or how's but instead I repeated Jesus over and over until my faint whispers became praises rolling off my tongue. I praised Him for answering my prayer and waking me when my sweet girl needed me most. I praised Him for having authority over heaven and earth and knowing that He is sitting high above on the throne. I was overwhelmed with truths of who He is. Nothing slips through His fingers. He is not concerned about my sick baby's future, He holds it in His hands. He is not worrying about what could be going on inside her body, He formed her body in my womb. He is not overwhelmed with how to care for her, He is her Father and her Great Physician. He is not counting the ounces she has or has not drank in the past 24 hours, He is the living water and bread of life.
And so my praise continued all the way to the hospital. I was singing aloud in my minivan to worship music. I was flooded with Bible verse after Bible verse of how faithful and present and sovereign He is.
My words fail me when trying to describe moments like this. Moments where my God is so close that in the midst of my deepest worry, I am filled with peace.
I see myself in my sick little Annabelle. I see how certain seasons of life can leave me feeling frail and vulnerable. In many ways I am in one of those seasons right now. A season of waiting. A season of wondering why God hasn't rescued us from certain difficult things. How could a good God leave me laid bare on the floor pleading and questioning His will for my life? Why hasn't He taken the struggle away? Why is it so hard to just fight for life with Jesus? Why can't my body, my faith walk, be easier? Just as I imagine my Annabelle not understating why her body is struggling to regain health and feel vibrant and whole again.
There will be times in our lives when all we have strength for is a faint whisper of Jesus. Attached to the breathe of that name will likely be doubt, worry, uncertainty, fear, insecurity and many other weights in which we need not explain to the God of the Universe. He is grace and grace knows no bounds. He is just as pleased to hear a whisper from our weak selves as He is to hear shouts in our greatest moments of strength.
My little Annabelle is still fighting illness. It is not life threatening and although she is miserable with pain, I know God is holding her frail body with strength and warmth. He is near to a mother's heart and my heart is trusting His presence beside her.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reminds us to Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. It can be one of the greatest challenges to yield to this command but it also offers one of the greatest rewards. It takes our focus off of what's stuck right in front of our face and allows God the room to show us what is eternal and bigger than what we are up against. This verse is a clear reminder that we can know with confidence that rejoicing is always the will of God. If ever we are doubting how to respond or pray, we just need to dig deep and praise Him for something, anything, and He is more than capable of meeting us and taking us the rest of the way.
In love,
Chels
Depending on where you spend your time on the internet you may or may not have noticed the controversy surrounding the new movie Son of God that came out last weekend. It's made the rounds in the Christian blogging world as well as many forums, Facebook and just about every other social media outlet. There's a lot of conflicting opinions on this movie.
I'd like to tell you where I stand on it, for what it's worth.
I went to see the movie. In fact, I pre-purchased tickets for myself, my husband, my sister and my brother-in-law. Let me just get it out there, I thought it was an awesome movie and well worth seeing. Here's why...
We walked into the dark theatre room with a huge crowd in front of us and behind us. When we got to the end of the hallway, I affectionately call the red-carpet, we looked up at the stadium seating and to our amazement it was packed full. So we grabbed a few seats near the front row, you know, the ones where you can pretty much guarantee a chiropractor visit afterward from having to awkwardly look straight up at the screen for two hours, yeah, those seats. But let me tell you, the minute I sat down in my chair I got goose bumps and I felt the presence of God and I did.not.care. where I was sitting. I knew I was a part of something great. There was no questioning that He was present and ready to move in the lives of the people sitting in that room. I prayed a whole lot. I prayed for the message of the gospel to penetrate hearts, I prayed for eyes to see the Savior in a new way or maybe for the first time, I prayed for hardened hearts to soften, I prayed for my own heart to be renewed and for the Spirit to fall fresh on each believer in that room.
I believe He did. In fact, I know He did. He was at work and it was not kept secret.
We watched in amazement at the previews of some up-coming movies such as Noah and Heaven is for Real. With giddy spirits my little sister and I agreed to be at opening weekend for each of those movies in effort to support and encourage the making of Christian based movies in Hollywood.
The movie began. I couldn't help but marvel with my tear-stained cheeks every time the Word of God was quoted from the lips of the actors. Which was alot. I sat there praising God for moving mountains to have His Holy Word spoken on the big screen. There were moments when I could hardly breathe while looking around the room watching the reactions of these precious strangers as they saw the gospel acted out and heard the living words of God spoken over them. It was powerful. It was amazing. It was God at work.
I've read quite a few strong opinions from the 'Christian world' of blogging and such. The most prevalent argument? That the gospel was not presented 100% accurately and that it is questionable whether the movie directors (Roma Downey and Mark Burnett) are Christians with a sound theology and true love for Jesus. I don't know where Roma and her husband Mark stand with the Lord but I do agree 100% that there were some gospel accounts presented incorrectly. I'm not denying that. I saw it. I also want to say that my mantra is and always will be be that we do not need to add, take away or change the Bible to make it anything more or less than it is. It is relevant and it is powerful and it is truth. We are not to alter it ever to make things more comfortable or more presentable to anyone. Period.
However, I also strongly believe that when the Word of God is spoken through the huge platform of a big Hollywood movie, God does deep, earth moving work among us. He is bigger than the small false interpretations displayed in this movie. We don't need to fight for God. We need to fight with Him. For His people. We need to love with Him. For His people. We need to stop focusing on our holier-than thou, critical, judgmental arguments and start supporting the production of Hollywood movies that share the message of the gospel. There are hurting people that can and will be reached by this ministry field. Let's quite throwing stones at the workers in the field and start praying for the harvest.
If you want to make a difference friends, lets stop wasting our time debating about the small stuff and start loving the people around us and supporting the efforts made to reach them with truth. Truth that will set them free. Truth that breaks every chain. As much as some like to think that highly intellectual theological debates are the only way to win someone to Christ, it will always be the truth penetrating their hearts that moves them to offer their lives at the foot of the cross. We should be spending our time loving people, not criticizing the movements made to draw people to Christ. We can't forget that the lost, hurting people we are trying to reach are watching us. They are watching us debate over this movie and we could be the very ones that are driving them away from Jesus. How attractive is it to see the body of Christ arguing and using harsh language to tear down someone that hasn't done it all right? Now let me ask you, how attractive is it to see the body of Christ displaying love and grace? God says they will know us by our love. He didn't say make sure every movie producer gets it 100% right every time or I can't work in anyone's heart. I'm pretty sure He wants us to be more concerned about loving people to eternity with Him than sitting around crucifying people for not being sinless. After all, He died for their sin too. Right? Right.
If you are concerned for Roma and Mark's faith, pray for them. They will not be drawn to a deeper life with Jesus by hurtful words and critical hearts. They will however be greatly blessed by prayers earnestly offered on their behalf.
Maybe, just maybe, instead of sitting on the sidelines critiquing movies like this one, we should be inviting the hurting, lost souls around us to go sit in the front row and experience truth spoken over them from the big screen. It may start conversation that leads to the seed being sown by the Spirit.
I fully believe that even through a movie that is not 100% accurate on all Biblical accounts, people are coming to know Jesus. I think that's worth celebrating.
Because He is Risen,
Chels
Let me begin with a disclaimer. I am 27 years old and fully potty trained. The following is not recommended nor was it intentional.
But it was hilarious.
Let's begin. I attended a Valentine's hoedown at church with my hubby a couple weeks ago. They had a western themed night complete with cow roping and range shooting. It. was. awesome. To end the night they planned a line dance for anyone that wanted to join in. They spent a few minutes going through the simple steps and invited us to come join them. I knew right away it wasn't a good idea for me. I had a very full bladder and quite frankly I am a horrible dancer, I repeat...h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e. Coordination? None. Smooth moves? Heck no. So I decided to enjoy laughing at with everyone from my warm chair.
And then this happened....
"You HAVE to come dance with me! My husband won't. Come on, let's go!" Says a sweet friend who has no idea the predicament I'm in.
She pulls me onto the dance floor before I could object and thus begin's 'the event' of said pants peeing. We were laughing so hard and having a great time making fools of ourselves (although really she was adorable. I was the one sporting the fool-ness). I distinctly remember saying to her several times..."I have to go to the bathroom really bad. This is not good." After thoroughly enjoying the dance steps which involved jumping and hoping around for several minutes I could not hold it any longer and I quickly hobbled out of the room with my legs half-crossed laughing so hard I could barely breathe. Side note: Running+laughing is also a bad combo for someone with a full bladder and very little control over it.
I ran to the bathroom. Let's leave it at that.
5 minutes later...
I snuck back into my chair next to my husband just in time to hear the fairwell song and I quickly whispered that he would need to go get my coat (which is knee length, thank God!) and bring it back to me. I tried to seem casual as the only one still sitting while I awkwardly put my coat on from a semi-crouching position and tried to make a quick getaway. We stepped outside the church doors and my husband asks, "why did you run out laughing during the dance?"...Oh honey, let me just tell you. I could hardly breathe I was laughing so hard confessing the recent event and whining about my pants that were now very wet and uncomfortable. He laughed. Really hard. He loves me but what man wouldn't laugh at his grown wife who just confessed she peed her pants on their date. Seriously. Outrageous.
I should follow this with reminding you that I have given birth to three babes in the past 3 years. Any mom can attest to this, my body is just not the same after that. From now I will probably wear depends when dancing.
In recent weeks I have shared my experience with a few people and it's quite funny to hear their stories of similar events. I love them for sharing with me! I should add that family and friends were one thing however, I sat across a dinner table from a well respected speaker and author, Dee Brestin, and told her this story. No joke. What in the world?!! All I can say is that I hope she doesn't remember me for peeing my pants. I told my friend who was sitting with me at the table, who also shared a peeing her pants story with Dee, that we should keep our eyes open for a story about us in one of Dee's books. It would probably be under a chapter titled, "When women embarrass themselves: Should some stories be kept untold?"
I digress.
On to why I'm sharing this .
#1) IT WAS LIBERATING. Not the peeing part, that felt gross. The dancing part. Like I said, I am a horrible dancer and I have been terrified of dancing in front of people for as long as I can remember. However, recently in my life I have enjoyed dancing more (mostly at home with my toddlers where no one can see me) and have felt a smidge bit less pressure to look cool dancing. To get out on that floor and dance in front of all those people was so freeing. I probably looked a fool but I was having so. much. fun. It was worth every minute. Seriously.
#2) Sometimes we need to tell our peed pants stories so we can laugh at ourselves. In case you didn't know, I tend to lean towards the more serious side most days. I like thinking deep and talking about rich, edifying topics (unlike this one). But sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is. This whole event will likely be one of the funniest of my adult life-sure to make good stories for my grandkids. Therefore, I feel compelled to document it and share in the name of keepin' it real.
#3) I'm tempted to make a spiritual application here but let's just leave it at this....life as a Christian is anything but boring. No doubt. Lest you be tempted to think otherwise!
So there you have it. I totally peed my pants on a date.
