Coming *ALIVE*

I sat numb in a dark, cold room only light by the warm flicker of the flames radiating from our fireplace. From the deepest cavern of my soul I ask God,

What if I am too weak to ever become who you made me to be? What if I never truly come alive?

There’s an achy pain pulsing throughout my body. One that tells me that physically I can no longer handle the stress and weight. It’s crushing me; this not being alive. It’s no longer just an emotional or spiritual tax, it’s physical.

My mind wanders to the woman at the well. I feel a strange connection to her. The gospels tell us that at the time she met Jesus she had been divorced five times and was living with a man she was not married to. She was not alive, she was dead inside. Dead in the eyes of her people too. But Jesus promises her “living water.” Water that runs through her soul, not just her body. Water that brings life. Water that leaves her satisfied to the end of her days.
 
I want that water. In the dark, early morning hours I plead with God to lift me out of this place and fill me with living, clean, life-giving water. I’m not a bible-intellect so I don’t know the layers of this scripture, but in my raw moment I sensed God showing me that the living water is more than just salvation. His offer is not simply meant to be interpreted or applied in a singular sense. There is more to it.

Water flows through our bodies as a cleansing, purifying source of life. It helps with depression and headaches and to rid us of toxins. It takes physical ailments and directly imparts physical wellness. Doctors regularly advice their patients to drink more water. I allow myself to dream; how can I drink more water of Jesus?
 
There’s a saying, “You can’t give what you don’t have.” This morning my parched heart translates that as, If I am not alive, I cannot give life. Which is why I have journal pages spilling over with a list of all things life demands and offers. I am working on re-prioritizing what is life-giving in my life and what must go because it drains all that is good and holy from me. There will likely be some hard cuts. But if Jesus comes to give us living water then I must believe that it’s not just to make us alive spiritually but alive in all senses of life. Alive in the things that make me, me. After all, the old me is dead and the new is alive. I want to pursue the gravity of this new life.

I wrestle with the idea that we are to be a living sacrifice. In fact, I think the church wrestles with this. I admit to myself that in the past I have taken it to the extreme. I have erroneously thought that if I am to lay my life down for the ultimate cause of humanity, life in Jesus Christ, then that must mean dying (inside). We are to die to our sinful selves, not die at our core. The simple truth is that Jesus never said we are to walk around un-alive. He came to give life in the full. It is for freedom that he set us free. Pondering this my heart warms to the idea that maybe Jesus really does want us to feel alive. And in our time here on earth we need to foster that with intention. In order to feel alive and inspired to be who God made us to be, we must come to the well, like the Samaritan woman and drink life.

Create. Laugh. Adventure. Pursue. Embrace. Inspire.

I can see it now – HOPE. Hope for my soul, and yours. We can be who God made us to be. We can live free and full lives that give life. The life-giving well really is meant for us to receive life. When we receive life then we live life and then we give life.

We were made to create because we were made in the image of the Creator. I need to incorporate more of this, I think to myself. If the desire for adventure surges through your body, then you were made to explore. If order makes you feel grounded, make room for order in your life. I think of those that love to learn, study, teach, write, sing, work with animals, and countless other crevices of who people are. LIFE. LIFE. LIFE. Choose to live in the freedom of what makes you feel alive. That is where we find calling. God loves smiling. It’s okay to feel happy. The gospel I know and live and breathe never commands unhappiness. It commands surrender and allowing God to fill us. This filling from God simply comes down to this, Life.

A life that is filled with life will give life. The message of the gospel is life. So then, I must too find my way to what is life-giving to my soul so that I can give the gospel message with my life.