I feel compelled to start with a confession. Actually, make that two confessions. The first is that I have been working on writing this for a long time because I've wrestled with the fear of writing it. If you are familiar with the book series, and soon-to-be film, “Fifty Shades of Grey” (FSG), then you probably understand why I've wrestled with writing this. Addressing controversial topics is not typically a fun pass time of mine. I will warn you now that while I pray for you to feel nothing short of God’s loving hand on these words, this isn’t going to be a “warm-fuzzy-feel-good” read. It’s possible that some of the content may even sting a little for some of you. Which brings me to my second fear. I have a pitfall of people-pleasing which means I wrestle with the fear of writing something that would come across as hurtful or lacking in grace and understanding. That’s just the honest truth. But I've walked with Jesus long enough to know that living out of fear will only destroy the potential for great and steal the joy and freedom we can experience. So, I write on. Because my Father has asked me to and honestly, being disobedient to Him is more scary than rubbing some the wrong way.
*Disclosure: I have not read any of the book series Fifty Shades of Grey. However, I have done a substantial amount of research and I have a thorough understanding of the storyline as well as some of the content. I do not recommend reading the books or seeing the movie that will be released February 2015.
Be blessed as you read on…
As your sister in Christ, and as a writer, I feel the honor and weight that this is a controversial issue I want to face with you. One reason being that I don’t think it’s controversial enough. I don’t see, in my Christian community, enough people raising the flag and inviting conversation on how this popular series stacks up against the Word of God. In fact, I have some godly friends that were completely unaware of what this wildly popular, erotic series is about. On the other hand, I know of other Christian friends, who have read the books and look forward to the release of the movie. But until I asked, I didn’t know, because these books haven’t come up in conversation. Which tells me that for some of you it may be encouraging to find out that I do not agree with Fifty Shades of Grey. For others it may feel like a blow to the comfortable, slightly secretive, “dirty pleasure” you have been hiding. Wherever you land, I care about you and want you feel safe in this space. There are a lot of opportunities for us to feel shame and I do not want my writing to be one of them. With that said, while love, grace and acceptance is the loud song our Savior sings, there is another song that he sings just as loudly. That is the song of truth. The truth in which he lays out clearly for us in the living Word of God, the Bible.
Below I've listed just a few of the many scriptures for us to consider when looking at lust, love and intimacy. If you are not familiar with the Biblical view of sex, I hope this helps give a glimpse of the ground level in which I base the rest of my writing and my view.
Worldly lust passes away.
1 John 2:15-17: “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.”
Holiness builds our relationship with God, sexual immorality separates us from God.
Colossians 3:5: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”
Godly love is selfless.
Ephesians 5:33: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
God gave us a whole book of the Bible filled with romance.
(An example of both his love for us and the love we get to experience with our spouse)
Song of Solomon 4:9-10 : “ You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!”
The marriage bed is holy.
Hebrew 13:4: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
1. Sex itself is a marvelous gift from our Creator. We know from reading His word that He intends it to be a unifying act between a husband and wife which promotes love, tenderness, connection and ultimately it is an act of serving one another which then honors God. I believe that it is a form of worship as we honor our covenant of marriage. Using that definition, I cannot imagine there would be any argument for the sexual acts displayed in FSG as God-honoring and unifying. The sexual experience in FSG is a tangible picture of what lust looks like. In 1 Thessalonians 4 we read this, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in a passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.” Lust breeds more lust. It cannot be a stand-alone sin. (1 Cor. 6:18, James 1:14-15) It seeps into the crevices of us and infects our souls until we surrender it to the healing power of Christ. FSG promotes and glorifies lust. So to this I ask all of us the question, do we desire to promote lust or to promote genuine love? Do we want to support the glorification of lust or do we want to encourage one another to pursue the sanctifying, satisfying love that only comes from that which God designed?
2. When I consider our time here on earth, it is nothing short of finite. I wonder if we were to adopt a more eternal perspective if we might reconsider how we spend our time here. How we spend our minutes, turns into hours and eventually adds up to our lifetime. Author, speaker and Bible teacher Lysa Terqeurst refers to is as how we “spend our souls”. So consider those minutes spent reading “dirty” romance novels and watching the associated movie that only welcome ungodly, unwholesome thoughts into our minds that eventually take up residence in our hearts, which eventually are lived out in our lives. Those minutes, those hours, they count. They hold value and weight because our time here is too precious to be spent swallowed up by the traps set by the thief who comes to steal and destroy. Jesus came that we might have life in the full (John 10:10). The question I ask us to consider is this, does FSG promote life in the full that is ours for the taking? Or does it resemble what the thief might want to use to deceive and distract us from that which God wants to richly give us?
3. Men are wired to be sexually bent and the world does a lot of harm exploiting that. The men and boys of our generation need us to teach them and encourage them to pursue a righteous love and to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Christ does not put sexual bondage on the church. He does not entice us to push boundaries and cross over into a “naughty, erotic” way of living. He loves the church, us, selflessly and purely and full of mercy and grace. Our men don’t need us teasing them and taunting them with thoughts of dangerous sex only to leave them in bondage to those desires. What they need is to feel the support of women to pursue godliness by us choosing to live our lives in such a way that they don’t desire us in any way other than that which is honoring to God. I don’t know about you but I don’t desire my brother in Christ, or any man, to look at women and think, “I want to take advantage of her and exploit her vulnerability in the bedroom”. When we support FSG, that is the message we are sending men. That we actually like and want them to treat us that way. And not just us, but our daughters and our nieces and our friends. So I ask you this, do you want your daughter to be “romanced” the same way Ana is in FSG? Do you want your sons to be a Christian Grey to other women?
4. Fifty Shades of Grey is pornography, which not only has deep, devastating consequences in and of itself but it contributes to human trafficking. If you aren't familiar with human trafficking, here is a quick glance…“Human trafficking is the illegal trade of human beings, mainly for the purposes of forced labor and sex trafficking. As the world's fastest growing criminal industry, it affects every nation across the globe. Every 30 seconds, someone becomes a victim of modern-day slavery. The average age of a trafficking victim is 12 years old.” (Source) If you do any research on this topic, you will find that pornography is undoubtedly linked to sex trafficking. In an article posted on the Christian Post it was said this way, “Yes, porn fuels the sex trade by teaching its consumers that women exist for the pleasure of men and that their purpose is to be degraded and dehumanized for men's excitement. But below the surface, these problems are all symptoms of a patriarchal world system that preys on women and children, keeping them subservient to and fearful of men so that they can be controlled and used." (Written by Justin Holmcomb. Emphasis added by me) Did you catch the words degraded, dehumanized, subservient, fearful, controlled and used? That sounds a lot like the methods Christian Grey uses in FSG, doesn’t it? God calls us to act justly (Micah 6:8). We are to fight injustice, not promote it and encourage it. I love how Martin Luther King puts it, “Anger at injustice, is the political expression of love." And I just wonder how we can be so deceived that we don’t see it. How can we support sexual lust, which promotes sexual abuse and treating God’s precious children as objects and still call it okay-writing it off as harmless dirty pleasure. We can’t. Truth won’t allow us to make room for that.
5. There’s a saying that what we accept, we teach. I look at my young, beautiful little girls and I think how innocent and lovely and precious they are. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think of them ever being treated in such a lustful way. My kids could possibly be raised in a generation where sexual exploitation is sold as beauty. They are being threatened with the message of needing to be sexually submissive to men like Christian Grey. I urge you to consider whether this is truly the direction we want to stand for. Sexual sin is not a new sin, all we have to do is open our Bibles to see how deeply rooted sexual sin is in our ancestry, but if we choose to support the message that dominance and lust and control are the new “norm” and we make it publicly acceptable, we are setting up the next generation for some deep sin pits. Together we can unearth this. We can shed light on the darkness of this so that we can set the example for my girls, our children and their children and their children’s children, that we will fight for purity and freedom from sexual bondage. In ten years, I can’t imagine looking my girls in the eye and saying, “I read Fifty Shades of Grey, I saw the movie, I paved the way for more of the same”. Consider the message we send when choosing to support this type of entertainment.
This is not an exhaustive list of reasons why Fifty Shades of Grey is more harmful than helpful but I pray that many of you will feel inspired and encouraged to turn to our loving God and seek his heart and Word on where He stands with this series, along with all other erotic, lustful entertainment. I also pray that from the overflow of your seeking, it will spark conversation within your own friend and peer circles so as to bring light to the dark places of this series.
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Heavenly Father, we praise you for making us in your perfect image. We thank you for giving us eternal life with you through your son Jesus. We repent now of our sexual sin. We grieve for this devastating series that has fed lies and fueled sin in countless lives. We claim that you are the healer and restorer of our souls. Bring healing and freedom to our nation as we seek to be a people holy and pleasing to you. Thank you that you are sovereign and we are never without your loving hand upon us and our future. We submit to you and your just, holy, loving authority. Thank you for loving us no matter what. In the precious blood of Jesus, Amen.
**If you are looking for a practical way to have a voice against FSG, consider seeing the movie, “Old Fashioned” (Website) which is a faith-based love story film being released the same weekend as Fifty Shades of Grey.
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