Then the storm came. Literally. The news anchor, bless his heart, announced that we were about to be hit with a big ole' snow storm with totals that could reach 12" or more. Please no. No. No. No. Please no. This was the sound coming from each Minnesotan who has endured yet another long Minnesota winter. We are weary. We are saddened by the white stuff and we just want spring to come, back. It was here. It really was. Then the evil snow fairies returned and dumped their stored up load on us, once again.
You may be wondering where I am going with this. I mean, after all you are clearly aware of the recent snowfalls. In fact, you are likely just as sick of hearing about it as I am. We would rather close our eyes and pretend it's a bad dream and wake up to our fairytale of a full blown spring day with birds chirping and the sun raising our dead lawns to life. Well, I do have a point and it's more than just talking about this
Seasons in life. Not a new phrase to most of us. We hear it often and assume there will be a good lesson taught about the different seasons we face and why they are important. I am here to say that some seasons, like winter, can really suck. Some seasons are so painful and mind numbing that you feel as if you are being drug through it just praying at some point you'll come out alive on the other side. I'm speaking from my own experience and also as someone who has a front row seat to watch some very dark seasons play out in the lives of people I love right now.
This morning at about 9:00, once the snow was done falling, I mouthed the following sentence to my 2 and 3 year old girls, "Come on girls, let's get outside quickly while the baby is napping so we can shovel the driveway for daddy before she wakes up". They excitedly put their gear on and we headed out the door ready to conquer the white mess covering our driveway. When I first started on the sidewalk leading up to our house I thought to myself, "hey, this isn't bad at all. It's light and fluffy snow so I should have the driveway done in no time!" I was hopeful, excited even. My goal in shoveling the driveway was to ease the burden on my husband. He has a lot on his plate right now and I wanted to do a small thing to serve him in hopes it would bless his day by taking something off of his 'to-do' list. I know it doesn't seem like much but I'm learning that when it comes to serving my husband, it's the little day-to-day things that are the richest, most meaningful in our marriage. One big sacrifice is honorable, daily sacrificing is choosing selflessness every hour despite the piles of laundry, demanding toddlers and looming tasks that seem to suffocate me. Love is daily. Its not just one memorable moment.
I finished the sidewalk and set out to start on our driveway. It took (approximately) a whole 27 seconds for me to realize that this was not a small task and I was crazy to think I could complete this in such a short amount of time. Depressing. Defeating. Overhwhelming. It was at this point that I realized there must be more to this project then just blessing my husband. I started conversating with God about the difficult seasons some of my family and friends are facing. Trying to wrap my head around it all. So much pain and discouragement. Some of which had nothing to do with their own choices but rather things that were done to them. How does someone overcome this, God? How do I even help them wade through these deep waters? Things were going so well and then bam the storm hit! Then I heard him speak to me softly that there are times, as is true with my friends, that we begin our journey in the light, fluffy snow. We think that this challenge is not going to be that challenging afterall and we've got this. Shovel after shovel we begin to uncover and expose the lies and hurt for what they are. But the deeper we dig we begin to see that there is actually a whole lot more work to do and stuff to face then we initially realized. And.it.feels.daunting.
The sweat was starting to form on my back as I made pass after pass slowly chipping away at the mountain of snow on our driveway. Our sweet neighbors came over to play with my little ones which helped so much. Not only are they a joy to be around but they have little 'mothering' hearts that like to watch over my 2 year old which freed me up to focus on the task at hand. At one point I decided to walk to the end of our driveway to clear up the big pile leftover from the snowplow coming by. Unfortunately this was wet, heavy snow. Nothing like the light, fluffy stuff on the rest of the driveway. It was back breaking and about twice as deep. At this point I was sure I was not going to finish the driveway today. I felt deeply disappointed because I so desperately wanted to get this done for my well-deserving husband. I was sure I had failed him. When I couldn't muster up any more strength to hoist that heavy shovel over my shoulder, I took a break from the end of the driveway and started back up the side where the weight was less and I could breathe a little easier. I was aching and my back felt like a thousand needles were poking it but I knew I had to continue on. The light, fluffy stuff actually felt like a breeze compared to the other and I was relieved to be working on it. This is true of our trials. We may start climbing up the mountain and hit some heavy, wet spots that we swear will break us. It's during those times that we lose steam; feeling exhausted, out of breath, worn out and convinced that we will lose our battle. It seems impossible to continue on and we know we have two choices. We either forge ahead and hold onto the hope that somehow we will make it or we give up. Most of the time we forge ahead and we find that what we thought was breaking us before, the light and fluffy snow, is actually now the easy stuff. Somehow in our struggle we grew stronger. What was overwhelming when we started up our mountain is now easy and we are grateful for the wet, heavy snow that made us stronger and appreciate the lighter load that once weighed us down.
I continued on even though I was struggling. I was so tired. I even slipped on ice and fell at one point which caused my girls to run up to me concerned with whether I was okay. I reassured them that I was fine and I was going to push on and complete our project. It was at this point that they started getting restless. They begged me to go to the backyard to play on the 'mountain' which is a fun hill right behind our house. I felt God nudging that it was time for a lesson, for both them and me. I kneeled down and looked into their big pretty blue eyes and said, "girls, I know you want to play on the mountain in the backyard. I do too. That sounds like more fun than shoveling. But God calls us to serve each other out of love so that we can show Christ' love to each other. I believe that by shoveling the driveway for daddy, we are serving him the way God wants us to. I know it's not easy but sometimes we have to give up what we want so that we can do what God asks us to. God will reward you for honoring him." My 3 year old, Charlotte, started crying and pleading with me to take her to the backyard. In that moment, out of shear exhaustion and the honest plea of a mothers heart, I prayed "God please help their little souls and minds understand the importance of this. Speak to them in a way they can get it". Just then, Charlotte stopped crying and she said, "Mama look! There's a mountain right here we can play on". Praise God! I know she tucked that little lesson into her heart somewhere and in God's great Mercy He showed my girls that although they couldn't have what they really wanted, He would give them something good. The irony? It was sitting right there the whole time. They didn't see it until they took their focus off of what they thought was the best thing.
I continued shoveling. I prayed for God to somehow allow me to finish this huge task quickly. Working hard with no breaks for what seemed like forever, I finally decided to look up and survey the damage. When I saw how little I had left I couldn't believe it, I was almost done! The sun had started shinning and I felt victory close by. I knew I only had a few more minutes and I would be completely done and able to just enjoy knowing how it would bless Jake. All because God faithfully answered my prayer. He kept my mind and heart busy with the things He was teaching me and He gave me physical strength to finish. He even gave my girls enough patience and understanding to support me. I thought of how there will come a time when we begin to see the light breakthrough in those difficult seasons. It may be a slow, creeping in or it may be a burst but it will come and when it does, it is the taste of complete rescue and victory.
In a season of life in which God has been calling Jake and I to take big steps in obedience, we have faced a lot of trials and we're starting to see how our family is along for the ride, facing those trials together. Sometimes that's hard to watch. It takes sacrifice to walk up the mountains and overcome the struggles. When we pray, "God use me, mold me, make me more like you", He will answer by doing just that. Just last night Jake and I talked about how when we pray that we don't always realize what we're asking but we're focused on the eternal value of growing in our faith. Then when it gets hard, we're tempted to beg God for a way out, not even thinking that if we truly want the end result then we have to push through the whole season or we will miss out on what could have been done. We will not get the full reward if we bow out early. Our dark valleys and mountains of trials are not easy to understand. I will not pretend to have an answer of "why" for any of it. But what I do know is that God rewards us for our obedience of persevering and pushing forward. He will meet us at every turn, even in the darkest of times, He never leaves us. We may not feel Him there, we may not even see him there, but He is. He is with us and He is with our family. Whether it is something we face because we are choosing to follow Jesus or something we face because life is plain hard on this earth and we are going to face alot of junk. Like my Charlotte's little mountain, He will also give us sweet hope and pleasure along the way. It may not be the big, fun hill in the backyard but it is still so good if we can just open our eyes to see it.
Perseverance is defined as this, "Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success". That is what this morning felt like for me. It may have just been shoveling snow but I truly had to persevere to complete it. It's also what it feels like when we are facing trials and dark valleys. There are many verses in the Bible that reassure us of God 's love and faithfulness through difficult times. Here are just a few...
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4 (NLT)
God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 (NLT)
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 (NLT)
I often say that when our friends and family are sitting in the trenches and enduring heartache, my role and my desire is to sit with them and allow them space to just be there, processing and mourning and feeling every ounce of the weight of where they are. Naturally, I want to fix it and jump to the next phase by helping them overcome and see the hope but I'm learning that that will come and I will help them with that when they get there. I just need to be there for each step along the way. The darkness will pass and when it has then we get to rejoice together that what once was hope is now what we are living out.
In love,
From one weary traveler to another,
Chels
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